he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
