just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
