guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
