But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
