i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
