Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
