I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
