Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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