I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
