I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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