Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
