Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
