Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
