I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
