it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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