just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize