yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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