My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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