call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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