Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize