I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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