our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
