he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
