im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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