This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
