You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
