Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
