Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
