I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
