I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
