If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
