Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
