remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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