Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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