I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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