Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
