btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
