my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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