Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
