And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
