she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
