My girlfriend figured out who you are.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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