I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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