She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
