Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
