I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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