Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize