You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
