im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize