I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
