I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
