what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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