Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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