yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
