just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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