You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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