dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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