I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
