HIV tests are more positive than that guy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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