are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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