Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize