Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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