i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
