if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
