Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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