I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
